His name is Matthew. His big brown eyes will disarm you. His kisses on the cheek are for mama only. His hair is perfectly straight and will stick up all over without a daily bath. His favorite color is gold. He loves grapes and bananas best of all. He can't get enough of anything Star Wars or Legos. (Lego Star Wars stuff is "the awesomest!") His hugs are legendary, the tightest you'll ever experience. He loves to cuddle. He loves to read.
And apparently, he has ADHD. He is NOT ADHD, he HAS ADHD. I'm new to this, but I'm pretty sure there's a difference.
The teacher and behavior specialists have known for quite a while that there is something different about Matthew. Thankfully, the first difference they saw was his trying-not-to-smile smile, his absolute lovability, his extreme sweetness. Then, the whole academics and social scene rained on the parade. His scores weren't high enough, he wasn't getting the whole social pragmatics thing, he couldn't sit still. He's not a running around, slamming doors, hitting people with sticks kind of kid. He's just always restless. Always, always, always. He can't sit in a chair like other kids. He can't sit without standing. He can't stand without pacing. You know, that kind of thing.
He loves to do hands-on activities at his expeditionary learning style charter school, but when it comes to the moment the teacher talks about application, he's gone. Gone far, far away. He travels to what we affectionately refer to as "Matthewland." It's his own place. I imagine that it's a land of doggies, wookies, droids, and buildings made with Legos. I'd love to go there someday. His teachers would probably love to see it too!
Sadly, other kids aren't usually allowed to come to Matthewland. He kind of likes to work alone. Oh, don't get me wrong...he likes other kids, especially family, and he'll play house or draw pictures for a while, but in the back of his mind, he can't wait to get away from it all. To be alone. To think his way. About his stuff. No reading. No writing. Just him.
Having Matthew diagnosed yesterday: ADHD, Executive Function Learning Disorder, and Anxiety, was a weird thing for me. After hours of research, I kind of saw it coming. And yet, I feel totally unprepared. I have a game plan, and yet I feel like a mediocre swimmer, with a losely fitting life vest in a flimsy inflateable raft...in the middle of a turbulent ocean.
I don't really get scared. Not often. But I'm scared. My husband works at a group home. Almost all the boys there have ADHD. They have trouble controlling impulses, getting things done, respecting the authority which insists on hammering their pragmatics into holes that cannot accomodate. They got into trouble. They get into trouble again.
But, Matthew's not like that. He's a great kid. He cuddles, remember?? He loves to eat fruit roll ups and popcorn. He's just a kid. Sigh.
I hope that I am up for this challenge. I hope to find peace in my faith. I thank God (literally) for my faith. I thank him for personal revelation. (Learn more about personal revelation here: www.lds.org) I can do this. I can get answers. My little muffin and I can conquer. We must.
***Strattera Day One: Much more hyper than normal. Noticibly more agitated and assertive. Speaking very quickly, in a baby voice. Crashed hard on the floor for about an hour while lots of activity was going on with siblings in the same room. Slept through all of it. Woke up and seemed refreshed and more like himself, perhaps because the pill was beginning to wear off? Seemed to sleep well. Breakfast this morning was a high protein, naturally sweetened yogurt drink with no dyes or aspartame. Was not able to swallow his second pill, so I broke open the capsule and poured the powder into the drink. I have not heard from the teacher yet about how he is doing at school yet, so I am feeling a little apprehensive. He will also be at White Grandma's today. Hopefully his symptoms will not be as extreme today.
